Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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