dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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