Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize