So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
