yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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