i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize