omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
