My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
