I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
