youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
