Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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