Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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