Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
