As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
