Your tits are I can't wait for
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize