She's JV to your varsity
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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