People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
