Quick, to the slutcave!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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