If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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