Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize