I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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