Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
