Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
