One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
