just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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