I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
