I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
