It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
