If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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