If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
