How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
