i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
