I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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