The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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