i barfeds in our rink
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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