K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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