Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
dude. I can hear the air.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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