I was born with a shot glass in my hand
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
