Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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