You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
