Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
