I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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