In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
ugly people sure do ruin things
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
