Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
