What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
