There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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