Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
