i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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