I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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