I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
honey bunches of taint.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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