Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
