I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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