It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
