we made out on top of his cat.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
