the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
