you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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