He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
