this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
