i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
