ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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