Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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