it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
