I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
