Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
