dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
