I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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