Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I fill condoms, not promises.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
