I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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