In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
