New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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