Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
