we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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