tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
my liver is dry heaving
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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