Kiss
Puke
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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