the new term for farting is butt boxing.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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