Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
