Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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