We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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