there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
