Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
