dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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