He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
